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Another yearly update, I reckon.

It’s so funny… when I started this blog, I was a 20-year-old man trying to get his shit together, still insanely depressed over my ex, who was — by all means — my first love, and now — about five years later from starting this thingymajig — I’ve been in a relationship with my current girlfriend since August 2014. We met online way back in June 2012, talked a bit but didn’t become close until January 2014, and now she’s moving in with me in about a week or two.

Time heals all wounds… fact… but wounds heal faster if you are not actively engaging in thoughts about the past (in regards to relationships that are finished).

I went back to school in 2014. I nearly have my associates. I just need to complete a few math courses to finally move forth. Back in 2011 and early 2012 (and pretty much all of 2013), I didn’t accomplish a goddamn thing, so just being proactive in moving forward, no matter how marginally incremental is huge for me.

Life is what you make of it. It really is. Struggle is inevitable no matter what. That’s a part of life. Also, just because you become successful doesn’t mean you never struggle or have to put in work again. That’s something that drives me crazy about those motivational Instagram pages… they show off the flashy cars, fancy meals, the miscellaneous material goods… but they don’t fill anybody in on the day to day grind, which I find interesting. Now, you might say, “CKS, what the hell do you know about success?” and you’d be right in asking that question, but my answer? Through observation. One of my friends is wildly successful, and he’s an inspiration to me, and he’s constantly grinding and working his ass off. Not to the point of ignoring those in his life, but he works hard, even though he could probably afford to take some breaks, no less.

Anywho… I miss blogging sometimes, but I don’t have a lot to write about these days. I was more introspective in late 2011/early 2012. It’s funny how quickly life changes. Early 2012… that was before the Romney/Obama 2012 election, and here we are four years later, getting ready to deal with this year’s presidential election.

I lost contact with a lot of people on here… kinda sad when I think about it on occasion. I might write back again in the future. Probably will. Probably in a year. How about some Stevie Ray Vaughan? I used to write on this blog a lot; it’s a thing i used to do, yeah?

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I guess this is my annual update, so here goes.

In January 2013, I dubbed 2012 the “fastest year of my life”, but 2014 might have taken the cake. It genuinely feels like 2014 just began. That year flew by.

I made more progress in 2014 than I ever did in 2012 or 2013. I started dating my current girlfriend on August 3rd and I FINALLY went back to college (community college), and I finished the first semester by being on the Dean’s List with two As (history and public speaking) and two Bs (English and geology). Ugh, the only reason I didn’t get an A in English is because I skimped out on taking two quizzes on Oedipus Rex.

I graduated from high school back in 2009 and had originally started college later that year at the same community college, but things in my life got in the way and I completely stopped going! I was so stupid! Going back this past year, I had to file an appeal for financial aid, as I was on academic warning. All semester long, I was convinced I’d failed geology, and I even told my advisor I’d failed it, and was worried about my financial aid being taken away because of it, as I was informed I couldn’t make lower than a C, and somehow I made a B in that class, inexplicably! Life is pretty crazy sometimes, I guess, and good, positive curveballs like that are everything.

I’m happy with the way things are going. 2014 was far from perfect, though. I started getting daily headaches in March that I still deal with today. Without insurance, I had three doctor visits, did a sinus x-ray and a CT scan ($450 bucks) to no avail. A couple of lymph nodes on my neck have been swollen since September and so have my damned tonsils, and sleeping through the night has been a damn chore. Honestly, I think I had/have an infection, but I never got a proper round of antibiotics. I was once prescribed amoxicillin, but I found out after about five or six days that I’m allergic, so again, I never received a proper round of them to deal with the infection. One doctor (nurse practitioner) told me back in November that I should get my tonsils removed… uh, no, no thanks. I can’t afford it, and I believe the swollen tonsils are a result of the aforementioned infection not being properly taken care of, damn it.

But doctors/nurse practitioners alike won’t listen. They are there for the almighty dollar and couldn’t give a ripping shit about a patient one way or another. I’m pretty damn nerdy about nutritional science, just like I’ve always been in the past. I’m skeptical of doctors. I wasted my money on going a few months ago.

Stepping aside from that diatribe, everything’s good! It’d just be better if my tonsils would go back down, the headaches would permanently go away and if I could actually sleep throughout the night in full.

Happy new year to whoever is out there reading this. See you soon or… uh, next year.

I watched Dallas Buyers Club this morning and when I looked up the cast later this evening I was floored to see that the character Rayon was portrayed by Jared Leto. He was totally unrecognizable, and not only that, but he was fantastic in the role. I won’t allow him to bogart the credit, though — Matthew McConaughey was equally stunning in the lead role. (NOTE: I’ve been impressed with McConaughey over the last few years in some of his roles, like in Killer Joe (Killer Joe, as a movie, sucked! However, McConaughey played a convincing psycho that has caused me to never look at KFC the same ever again!), True Detective (him and Woody Harrelson had some uncanny chemistry on the screen! Great show!) and The Paperboy.)

It’s a damn good flick. I highly recommend it. What can I say that hasn’t already been said elsewhere? Take it from CKS and check it out. These days so many movies get lost in the genres of gimmicks, explosions, generic action pieces, novel-inspired romantic dramas, overdone superhero battles and remakes of the classics, so it now seems rare that we get my absolute favorite “genre”: a good story. I just want a good story to be told. And Dallas Buyers Club succeeded in that facet.

Speaking of stories, I have about 30 pages of Mike Tyson’s memoir/autobiography, “Undisputed Truth” left. What a ride. It’s been an exhausting read since I started it last Saturday. I say that because on every other page it seems like cocaine or coitus (hey, you can’t get any more sophisticated or politically correct than that word to describe intercourse, no?) with a woman or women is mentioned. He’s lived a crazy life. It’s a wild read, and makes me sad that I never got to go watch him fight in his prime (because I hadn’t even been born yet) and that he could have been a heavyweight champion for much longer than a little over three years had he never met Robin Givens or allowed that subhuman piece of shit Don King to make an impression on him. If only Cus D’Amato had lived longer and Tyson retained his original trainer, Kevin Rooney, along the years. It’s difficult to mention him in the same breath as Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier with good standing, but a 19-year-old Mike Tyson going up against a prime Cassius Clay/Muhammad Ali would have been something special if we could go back and modify timelines and play around with decades and things like that.

“Undisputed Truth” is a hellacious read. I can’t relate to anything he’s written about, but maybe that’s why his story fascinates me, as I can learn something about another human being’s completely different upbringing and life.

Self-fulfilling prophecies.

— “I’ll never get over my ex-girlfriend!”
Then you’ll never get over her. That’s a self-fulfilling prophesy.

— “I hate Richie Incognito!”
Then you are filled to the brim with hate.

— “God, my self esteem is so low and I’ll never find anybody that will love me!”
Then you won’t.

Own your emotions. You are the master of your own life, not your emotions. Don’t allow them to control you. What you say defines you. As Earl Nightingale said, you become what you think about. Everything you say is about you. Don’t like Chelsea’s jewelry or think that her skirt is ugly? That’s on you, that’s your thoughts, your opinion, from inside of you. You put those words in your mouth or your brain. You create them.

— “CKS, you make me so mad!”
I don’t make you mad. You make yourself mad. Own your emotions.

— “Well, Nancy Grace makes me mad, too!”
Nancy Grace doesn’t make you mad. You make yourself mad. Own your emotions. It’s not her problem; it’s a you problem.

The sooner you recognize the problem the closer you are to the solution.

But that’s not enough.

See the solution; conquer the problem.

Reframe. Adjust your mindset accordingly.

You will get over your ex-girlfriend because life is abundant. The world is abundant. With multiple people that you can and will connect with if you put yourself out there, smile and socialize. Richie Incognito is a jerk, but he’s not the first nor the last jerk out there, so don’t let his actions overtake your thoughts. Your self-esteem is low and nobody will ‘love’ you because you don’t love yourself enough to consciously make a change. I’m just a writer/blogger on the internet, so I don’t make you mad, I just write what I think and feel. Nancy Grace is a talking head with a platform to bloviate about whatever it is that she wants; she doesn’t make you mad — you make yourself angry by giving her the attention and ratings that spike her show.

See the solution; conquer the problem.

Mindset is everything. You define yourself with how you think, feel and what you say.

No matter what you do, move forward.

There is nothing about dwelling on the past that will help you as you move forward. That time period is over. That book has been written. You can’t rewrite it. Like a tweet that’s been sent out into cyberspace, it’s still there — in some form — no matter what.

You are not your past. You are not your past actions. Your past actions and those in your life whose actions have affected you have only brought you to the point you are at now, in THIS instance. But you must reframe. Write your future. You have the control now.

Learning this and gaining the momentum of having this control can take years of pain and self discovery. I speak anecdotally.

“Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be.”
— Great quote by a legendary basketball coach (John Wooden) that applies to life.

Move forward. Just do it. I don’t care if you are scared. Do it, anyway. Never live fear-based, for the sake of your livelihood.

Holy hell. One year since my last post: January 7, 2013. I kept meaning to get back to it and post more, but things kept coming up and motivation was squandered at every whim. I figured I’d write an update post if anyone missed me.

Before I write more, I just want to announce that life’s good. I’ve been seeing someone and she’s a good girl. Perhaps too good. Though, to be honest, I’m not sure the relationship will subsist. My desires to travel and meet other girls are so strong. I’ve told her this, but she still persists. She’s a little sweetie, but I feel that she deserves stronger commitment, and honestly, I can’t give it to her.

Y’know my ex-girlfriend that I wrote a lot about back in late 2011 and early 2012? Guess what. She had a baby last January. I still love her. I will always love her. I will always be in love with her for particularly who she was during the best years of our relationship in 2008 and 2009. I can’t believe she has a daughter. My mind has been blown ever since. That fact is just, I don’t know, realty-inducing in that it just reminds me that life moves on, no matter what, and people move on, all in different ways. Nostalgia still hits me often. I think of her often. Why shouldn’t I or why wouldn’t I? She was a major part of my life. She will always be in my heart.

I know the title of this post was written kinda comically, but here’s the deal: I’m pretty damn sure I’m a diabetic or close to being one. I’m very much involved in fitness and nutritional science, but diabetes runs in both sides of my family, and I’ve been seeing symptoms for so long now:

— Extreme fatigue after eating (particularly carb heavy meals, regardless of the source of carbs)
— Frequent urinating — multiple times an hour sometimes.
— Insane thirst ~~ I go through 10-12 16.9 ounce bottles of water a day.
— Numb fingers and foot pain. I thought my numb fingers, at one point, could have been attributed to gaming, but I haven’t played any video games in a while, so there goes that theory.
— I get stupendous cravings for sweets, randomly, to the point I feel like passing out until I finally acquiesce to my hunger. One evening I ate three bananas, three apples, a horde of raspberries and blueberries and two oranges. And I’m only mentioning the “healthy” sweet cravings in the guise of nature’s junk food, fruit, and not the awful choices.
— Random body parts become outrageously sensitive like my upper arms and shoulders and sometimes my thighs. I can’t describe the feeling, but it’s uncomfortable.

It’s a bit disconcerting. Maybe I do; maybe I don’t. Typical man-like mindset of mine: I haven’t gone to the doctor in five years and I don’t plan on going anytime soon, so, uh, yeah!

I’ll keep trucking forward.

I’ve been eating a lot of fish lately, and other things. Tilapia, salmon, almonds, broccoli and spinach. I’m also a believer in consuming red meat (unless you are a sedentary little effer) but haven’t ate much lately. I’m consuming 5,000 to 10,000 IU of vitamin D3 a day along with Life Extension’s Super K with the K2 complex.

I haven’t drank any alcohol since October 19th. I tore down 27 shots of (combined) Crystal Head vodka, Absinthe, Black Heart rum, 1800 coconut tequila and well, I reckon that’s it. It was spaced out over the course of a few hours from watching UFC, eating fried (in coconut oil) potatoes with red onions, etc. I woke up the next morning and did not have a hangover. When I was in my drunken stupor I still had the wherewithal to take two capsules of milk thistle extract and one capsule of zinc picolinate. Felt like a champ the next day, but I was tired. The 27 shots weren’t blatant. We drank out of Crystal Head shot glasses which account for 3 shots per ‘shot poured’, and we had 15 shots ingested within 20 minutes before realizing how ignorant we were (best friend/de facto brother and I).

Boom.

2013 is here! Yeah! That’s fake enthusiasm, by the way. Not to sound pessimistic, but it’s another year in the life of CKS. At the same time, on an optimistic note, it’s another year that I’m thankful to be alive and to have people around me that love me whom I love back. Thanks.

It’s safe to say that 2012 was the fastest year of my life. It flew by. It feels like yesterday was February 2012. I was posting a lot last January and lost track of the blog. I became lazy and scarcely updated. I lost contact with everyone that I talked to from WordPress, and that was wrong of me to do. Yep, just admitting the jackassery on my behalf.

2012 was an OK year, with a dark spot. My grandmother — the only grandparent I had left — passed away in June. While on a trip with my aunt, she fell and could barely get around afterwards. She acted normal for a few days. We (as in the family) noticed a bruise on her leg and thought it might be  a blood clot, so a few of my folks took her to the hospital to see what was up. They had her in there for two weeks, and when she checked out, she was never the same. That occurred in early April. She was 80 when she passed. Her death certificate reads that she died of renal failure, but she was in so much pain due to other health issues. When she died, it was a family moment, as all of her grandkids including me stood around her (she was in the hospital during this time as well). She always loved going on trips around town, or even road trips. She loved puzzle books… and Bob Barker! I miss her a lot. Christmas wasn’t the same without her.

Christmas wasn’t the same, period. Moving onto more of a comical note, we (again, da’ family) spent Christmas with my cousin’s husband’s mother… well, to be more specific, at her place. She lives alone, in a house that’s way too damn big for one person, and she’s the kind of woman that attempts to outclass everyone by having ‘better’, ‘nicer’ and more ‘expensive’ items. It was a boring Christmas and we didn’t have dinner until nearly 7 in the evening. I was starving, and the food sucked balls (dry ham, dry turkey, mediocre mashed potatoes*… but the green bean casserole was delicious!).

(NOTE: GREAT mashed potatoes includes four sticks of butter. I wish I were joking!)

I hope everybody had a nice 2012 and that the first week of 2013 has brought them peace & happiness.