You make the choice: Satisfaction and Desire

I’ve dabbled in about 20-30 blogs since my very first venture into blogging, so I’m not new to the blogging game. I’ve written some well received blog posts on a variety of topics as well as some duds on a variety of topics.

I’ve had my share of positive and negative experiences (more-so the former rather than the latter, fortunately), and I’ve made it a point to have fun, make connections and — more importantly — friends along the way. It’s been nice meeting a whole hell of a lot of different people from different parts of the world. I feel that I’ve gained at least somewhat a nice amount of knowledge along the way.

I still don’t know shit about life, though, and that’s a part of one of my many New Years resolutions, to learn, grow and morph into a wiser man by the end of the year, and embark on an even longer journey by the time 2013 gets here. Learning should never stop, you know? As soon as you stop growing in some capacity in your life, you start dying. Some might say you plateau, but if you halt yourself from striving forward, what the hell is there left to do?

I’ve always been self-motivated, and honestly, I think everybody is inherently self-motivated. Some people justify their motivations by giving valid reasons to warrant their hard work towards accomplishing their goals. That’s completely fine, but at the end of the day you are the person who’s responsible for accomplishing your own goals in life. You are in the driver’s seat of your vehicle. Does that make any damn sense?

When I was younger, I wanted to become a writer so that I could captivate people and shape and shift their thoughts in ways that others whom aren’t writers can’t. I didn’t give up on this dream, I simply put it on the back burner and started accruing more goals. As I saw (and allowed) my life take a downward spiral in 2010 and 2011, I developed more aspirations and left them scattered in my mind.

Do you ever sit back and look at the people around you, the people that you love, and watch them change, and not change for the better but more-so for the worst? I’ve watched this happen over 2010 and 2011, and I’ve emotionally over-invested in these pattern of thoughts. How could somebody be so amazing of a person, and then change? It sucks. Putting somebody on a pedestal is dangerous, so please, never do it. Change is necessary in life, though. Change will happen whether you like it or not, whether you are ready or not. Embracing it is the only option to truly become happy.

Is it natural to abhor change? I think so. In all honesty, I would be complacent if my life were the same as it was in 2008-2009 and never changed. The reason is simple: I was happy, didn’t feel any stress or pressure, felt successful, was in amazing mental and physical shape, and everything felt right. 2008 and 2009, those two years… that’s my safe zone.

I look at a 2010 and 2011 in the most pessimistic retrospective, but can you blame me? I associate 2010 and 2011 with so much negativity given all of the heart wrenching memories that I don’t care to think too much about (although I do at the most inopportune times). I’m complacent and comfortable with the years 2008 and 2009, yet I’m absolutely against 2010 and 2011.

Complacency is usually a bad thing in the grand scheme of things in life. If you are complacent in life, then where are your goals, dreams, desires, motivation to lift yourself into a greater place? There’s an adage that goes, “Satisfaction is the death of desire”. I think complacency can be fatal to your pursuits of accomplishing your goals. Yep, 2008 and 2009, they were incredible years for me and I grew as a person tremendously, but if things were completely the same in 2010 and 2011, what could I be working on as the future leaks over into the year 2012?

I don’t even know what the hell I’m really getting at in this blog. I’m just trying to make a point that not everything is so black and white as it may appear. In retrospect, our individual, respective histories, everything that’s great that we remember may be exaggerated — naturally — in our minds, because nostalgia can create a sense of bittersweet comfort. If we have a fond past, we look back fondly and exaggerate our memories. I know I do, but I still think 2008-2009 were incredible years, and I’m not changing my mind about that… however,  those two years will remain in the past, and all that I — or you, and everybody else — have now is the future, and that’s something important to always keep in mind.

Time is precious. The people around you won’t be around FOREVER. Make the best of your resources in life and make the choice to be happy or sad. Either way, you have a choice. You can be blisteringly happy or abysmally sad. Either way, you are going to make an impact because a person’s attitude affects everybody in their environment. Keep that in mind.

I’m not sure why, but for some reason it’s apparently taboo for a man to write about his emotions and try his best to articulate them in a way to make a point. I created this blog so that I can write about anything at anytime. I’d like to personally welcome everybody to read and to comment, and I thank those who have started following.

My life is at the crossroads right now, and I don’t know what the hell is going to happen in my life in 2012. The feeling of the unknown is admittedly scary, but it’s also exciting. Let’s take the leap.

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19 comments
  1. Julie said:

    What I have found in my own life, in 2011 particularly, is that you don’t know where even those bad things might lead you. There might come a day when you are able to look back at the road from that bad thing to where you stand later in life and think that the bad thing turned out to be good thing that felt bad at the time. It’s hard to know at the time, but even the bad things can be the spark that ends complacency and helps propel you forward past fear.

    May the crossroads lead you to where you need to be in your life, in this coming year or another.

    • CKS said:

      Thanks for commenting! Excellent point about what seems to be something bad sublimating itself into something good as time moves forward. I love and appreciate your perspective.

  2. Pretty wise words there. I agree completely – we should be lifelong learners and complacency is a killer. Whatever happened in 2010 and 2011 is the past, just learn from it and move on.

    • CKS said:

      Thanks for commenting. Looking forward to moving on and learning from the last two years. Experience, learn and repeat.

  3. This is the year I got dragged to a 9-day silent Buddhist retreat by my husband. It changed my life — as I finally realized how much energy I was wasting every day worrying and anxious about stuff I really can’t control. I’m a hell of a lot happier since then (six months) and 2011 has turned out to be the best year in decades. I doubt that’s a coincidence.

    Have a great 2012!

    • CKS said:

      Worrying and unwarranted anxiety can be two of the biggest time wasters. Both of my parents were big time worriers. I sometimes wonder if it’s inherited? Thanks for chiming in!

  4. allisunrae said:

    This was great. I think everyone hates change to some extent because it takes us out of our comfort zones, but isn’t that the beauty of it? Again, fantastic post — definitely looking forward to a brilliant 2012 and I most certainly wish you the same!

    Also glad to see we were on the same page and are writing about similar things, WordPress friend!

    • CKS said:

      Thanks for commenting! Good point about how change takes us out of our comfort zones, and really, going out of our comfort zones is the one way to grow as people, as we experience something new and apply what we’ve went through and learned.

  5. Time is precious – embrace it! Look for the silver lining. Hopefully the events of 2010/11 are slipping in to the past and the events of 2012 move you forward! Live and dream large – make it happen!!!! (Perhaps this is my mantra for the upcoming year – always a tad more philosophical at this time of year!)

    • CKS said:

      Thank you so much for your thoughts. I sat around and waited for things to happen in 2010. Again, I was like a deer blinded by headlights, except the headlights were limitations that I set for myself unintentionally. In 2011, I truly ‘wallowed in the mire’ and allowed silly bouts of depression consume me. There was a lot of time that I wasted.

  6. I agree with absolutely everything you’ve said in your post. Based on that statement I am going to say this: It gets better. The twenties are a tumultuous time in anyone’s life, mainly because it’s the first time you get to experience live and in person the feeling of consequence. It just doesn’t register when you’re younger or under your parent’s control.

    What I’ve also found to be true is that what is painful is not the new reality change brings, but the transitional feeling of change itself. All that instability registers as death subconsciously, I believe.

    I’m due to turn forty in less than a month, and am shocked at how I actually embrace and welcome this new phase of my life as opposed to lamenting the youth that is passing. As a woman I find I am alone in this way of thinking, and for that I’m sad. Forty to me means that I’ve lived long enough to enjoy my accomplishments and to be proud of what I’ve been able to endure but am still young enough to feel capable of tackling the new set of challenges I set for myself.

    And I can’t think of a better way for a man to express his feelings than in a blog. It is a shame that your gender is looked down upon for feeling emotions. Please don’t let society censor what your genderless soul has to say.

    • CKS said:

      That’s one hell of a comment, and I appreciate it so much. Please don’t stop commenting! I like soaking up and garnering the wisdom.

      I’ve never been the type of person to accept change, and I honestly didn’t know why or what the root of it was, but the more I think about it, it makes sense. I saw a lot of people in my life change, lost a lot of people (I know, loss is a part of life) and I just naturally associated change with negative feelings, but that’s a terrible way to look at it. Adjusting to something you aren’t used to and looking at things in a positive light takes a conscious effort to accept the present form of something. Shit, it’s about 2:30 AM here, so excuse me if that doesn’t make any sense. I’m just the type of guy that feels a lot of nostalgia, so I naturally think about the past and the way things were, and I pine for that. I know, it’s probably a waste of time, but I do it because it’s comforting… and it hurts at the same time, so it’s damaging in a way.

      I like your mindset/perspective. That’s a great way to look at things. See, I just don’t want to wake up one day and be 30-40, and think, “Where in the hell has my life gone?” It scares the hell out of me. Why would I ask myself that? Well, I don’t want to spend all of my time pining for the past. I’m going to ‘change’ (heh, way for me to use the word) that debilitating mindset of mine. Moving forward, setting goals and accomplishing them, having fun and enjoying life should be number one, but I’ve spent the past two years looking at the years before 2010. Sheesh. I even sometimes wonder what I could have accomplished the last two years if not for my crippling habit to look back (and yet, the irony is that I’m LOOKING BACK even while thinking that way!).

      Time flies by so quickly. It’s the way our minds tend to perceive things while we whisk through our everyday mundane tasks, but I feel that time is the most precious commodity, and one has to make the most of their time. We only have one shot at a life. I try to remember this during times of reminiscence.

      Again, thank you so much for your thoughts!

      • Julie said:

        Though I didn’t always feel this way, in my 30s, I’ve learned to embrace the idea that every moment spent looking back is one I’m not spending moving forward. And since you can’t change the past, I try to take the things I can learn from the past then face forward. Regret can be crippling, as you said, if you let it stop you. But no amount of regret will actually change the past, so don’t let it! Do the things you want to, make the time for them even if it means giving up something that you like that doesn’t push you forward. That’s the biggest lesson I took from 2011, so I’m passing it on. 🙂

  7. I am in love with this blog. I support you in pouring your emotions out and touch other peoples’ lives. I find myself reading this over and over.

  8. Not knowing where you are going is scary but it can be exhiliarating. It is amazing to me how much my life changed in a year and in two. I bet you have learned a lot in the valley and this year will be on the mountain top. Best to you.

  9. Good goals, all of ’em.

    I’ve been trying to grow wisdom since I was your age…and I’m…well, a lot older now. I still don’t have it. But it’s fun looking for it anyway!

    Good luck in 2012.

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